Guys Don't Approach Me Anymore: What's Wrong? And How Can I Fix This? (2024)

Are you the type of girl who used to need a fly swatter to get rid of all the men buzzing around you? Has this reality changed suddenly or gradually over the years? It is only natural to wonder why guys do not approach you anymore and what you can do to fix the situation.

Since most societies expect men to always make the first move, you are likely to have difficulty dating if men do not approach you. Do not worry about that. This article is just what Cupid ordered. We will highlight the most common reasons men refrain from approaching women. After you put your finger on the source of the problem, it will be much easier to rectify it.


Guys Don't Approach Me Anymore: What's Wrong? And How Can I Fix This? (1)

Reasons Men Do Not Approach You Anymore

There are numerous reasons men may decide not to approach you. Here are the most common ones:

1) They are intimidated by your personality or looks

Most men will not approach women if they think the odds are against them. Men are certainly less likely to approach you if you always spot a sharp glare, creased brow, and curled upper lip. Most men lack the courage to approach a woman who may make them feel less manly, i.e. in control.

If you are an alpha woman (very confident, serious, and outspoken), chances are good that most men you are interested in will scamper away. They fear that you may reject them, or if you do accept them - they will disappoint you by not living up to your high standards.


Being an alpha female is not something you should change. However, you can tweak your personality by engaging in activities that lower your guard, e.g. paintball, dancing, or participating in your favorite bar’s quiz competition. Such activities will make you look less serious and intimidating.

You do not need to do this all the time, just frequently enough to let a rarely-seen side of your personality shine through. At the risk of sounding sexist, you can also try smiling more.

2) They do not notice any non-verbal cues to approach.

Even though men are expected to approach women, they rely on women to give them a cue or signal that it is safe to approach. You have probably seen these cues all over pop culture, batting off the eyelashes, coy smiles, and hair flips. Do not worry. You do not have to be that dramatic.

Most signals are subtle. They are rarely noticed by anyone except the sender and recipient. It all begins with eye contact and a smile to acknowledge the other person. That’s why catching each other’s eyes in a crowded room is a classic romance trope.


The next time you want to use your feminine whiles to get a man to approach you, try this. Gaze at him until he feels your eyes on him. Look away briefly when he looks in your direction and then return his gaze with a smile. Hook, line, and sinker. The man is very likely to approach you.

Ladies who have been at it for a while have perfected nonverbal cues to a science. Preening is one of the most common and obvious ways to signal availability. If you are in a social set-up and men observe your open body posture, they are guaranteed to take it as a sign that you are fair game. Fussing over your hair and clothes does not hurt either.

3) They witnessed you being rude

Both men and women readily admit that they would be hesitant to get entangled with someone they observed berating another. The effect is even worse if you are taking our frustrations out on employees e.g. waitstaff.

If someone bumps into you causing you to spill your pinot on your white dress, do not lose your cool. Scolding the person will not get rid of the stain, or help your reputation. Being understanding, polite, and even friendly will go a long way. Most people will admit you and wonder if they would have handled the incident so gracefully.


Strive to be respectful and polite to everyone you meet. This will instantly let others around you know that you are a down-to-earth and approachable woman.

4) You are glued to your phone

It is damn near impossible to notice someone noticing you if your eyes are glued to your smartphone. Not only will you look very antisocial, but most people will assume you are self-absorbed as well. Why else would you choose to ignore the people around you and focus on whatever on your phone is more important than them?


Put your phone away unless you are taking a selfie of the amazing time you are having on the dance floor. If you absolutely have to sit at the table, try not scrolling through your phone the entire time. Look up once in a while and see if someone worthy of your notice has entered the scene. You just may catch someone gazing at you.

5) You mostly hang out with other guys

Men are very unlikely to approach a woman who is in the company of other men. Not only is it intimidating, but they have to risk hitting on you in front of your boyfriend. Cringe!


Going out with your male besties is a good thing. The trick is ensuring you do not only go out with them. It is important to go out with your girlfriends, or alone - if you are brave enough. Men are much more likely to approach you when there aren’t any men they’d have to ‘explain their intentions’ to.

6) Your dressing throws them off

Wrong or right, most people judge the book by the cover. How you dress plays a significant role in prompting men to approach or steer clear of you. The good news is, you do not need to wear anything uncomfortable or too revealing to attract men. In fact, dressing skimpily and wearing too much makeup could actively make men view you as an unsuitable partner.

You do not have to bend over backward to achieve your goal. If you do not look like the frumpy girl before the makeover, you are generally good to go. Jean and a cute top will do the trick any day. If it is a special occasion, try to go all out and make your hair and nails too.


Avoid wearing ill-fitting and unflattering clothes. Dress appropriately for your age and the occasion. Whenever possible, dress femininely. Believe it or not, wearing a dress, skirt, or cute top increases the odds of men approaching you.

7) You do not socialize within events

A big red flag is cutting yourself off from the group during a social event. Even introverts show up to a party bracing for the inevitable overload of social interactions. Do not sit in the corner, nursing your drink as you observe the party roaring away. It is likely to make you appear less attractive to men.

Most men are attracted to women who are confident and outgoing. They are more likely to hedge their bets on a woman who is mingling around than one who appears to be cowering on the fringes.


No matter the pain, if you chose to attend an event, it is only right that you interact with the people there. Talk to somebody, anybody! Bring up the weather. Ask how their day is going, anything is better than morosely sitting alone.

8) You are too tipsy

If you often drink more alcohol than you ought to, men may begin to keep their distance. Approaching a drunk woman seems predatory, and even those who may have initially shown some interest will keep off afterward.


Ensure you drink light alcohol and hydrate enough especially if it is going to be a long night. Lay off the booze once you feel a light buzz. This is guaranteed to keep you from getting carried away.

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Guys Don't Approach Me Anymore: What's Wrong? And How Can I Fix This? (2024)


How can I get men to approach me? ›

Give him an opening

Keep your arms unfolded and leave some space for a guy to come talk to you. Instead of facing the bar, sit sideways or towards the crowd while talking to your friends. Glance around periodically and don't be afraid to give those approach invitations to guys you find interesting.

Why do men check me out but never approach me? ›

The real truth…or why does a guy stare at a woman but not approach will and has always come down to one thing – he's feeling attracted to you but is either too scared, nervous, or clueless on how to approach you. Men, don't, or can not approach because: Fear of failure and sometimes success.

Why don t guys look at me? ›

There are so many reasons why he is avoiding eye contact with you. It could be because he is shy, doesn't know that you want to make eye contact, or because he is hiding something from you. In any case, you have a role to play in making sure that he is comfortable enough around you.

How do you test if he likes you or not? ›

How To Tell if a Guy Likes You
  1. He is touching you.
  2. He remembers small details about you.
  3. You two are social media friends.
  4. He gives you eye contact.
  5. He makes an effort in the conversations you have.
  6. He's using “alpha” body language.
  7. He asks if you have a boyfriend.
  8. He gets jealous when you talk to other guys.
Dec 29, 2022

What do guys look at when checking you out? ›

Men are always checking you out. Yes, they check out your legs, your hair, your body, and your eyes. But what may surprise you is that they're also checking out your energy. Your energy is always showing and it gives off signals that you're probably not even aware of.

How do you test if a man is interested in you? ›

22 Subtle Signs A Guy Likes You, From Dating Experts
  1. He leans toward you during conversation. ...
  2. He angles his body toward you in the room. ...
  3. He finds small ways to compliment you. ...
  4. He makes eye contact. ...
  5. He steals a glance at you. ...
  6. He singles you out in a group. ...
  7. He seems drawn to you in the room.
Nov 26, 2021

Why is he avoiding me? ›

If a guy truly starts to ignore you, it's usually either because he is upset with you and needs you to give him space, he is losing interest, he feels like the relationship is moving too fast, he is playing games with you or trying to lead you on.

Why do guys avoid talking about problems? ›

Many guys hate failing and feeling inadequate. They often don't have the speed of words to compete with their partner in a conflict. Men's emotional processing capacity is often much slower than their partner. Whilst being silent is a sign of a man's need to process it is also a way to avoid the feelings of defeat.

Why can't I look at him in the eyes? ›

For those without a diagnosed mental health condition, avoidance of eye contact could be related to shyness or a lack of confidence. Looking someone in the eye while speaking can feel uncomfortable for those without a lot of practice making conversation or who tend to prefer not being in the spotlight.

When should we give up? ›

When you're only staying out of obligation. Whether we're talking about a job, relationship, or even a random hobby we picked up along the way, if we're staying only from obligation, it might just be time to quit. Relationships require commitment — but love and affection should factor in, too.

When should I decide to give up? ›

When to Give Up
  1. Only you can decide when to give up. ...
  2. You are not happy with the process anymore. ...
  3. Deep inside, you know it won't work out. ...
  4. You have let your goals and ambitions identify you. ...
  5. You think you will feel relieved when you give up. ...
  6. Your life feels miserable. ...
  7. Giving up can be another way of moving forward.
Jan 24, 2022

How do you know when you should just give up? ›

11 Signs You Should Quit What You're Doing Right Now
  • It's taking too much energy for the reward. ...
  • You don't feel excited about the project. ...
  • It darkens your mood. ...
  • Nobody else seems to care. ...
  • It doesn't make you a better person. ...
  • No one supports your decision to continue. ...
  • Your health is suffering. ...
  • Your sanity is suffering.

How do you treat a man who ignored you? ›

Feeling Ignored? What to Do When He Ignores You
  1. Call out the behavior. ...
  2. Try other forms of communicating. ...
  3. Give him permission to dump you. ...
  4. Embrace vulnerability. ...
  5. Assert yourself early on. ...
  6. Don't overcompensate by texting/calling too much. ...
  7. Leave him for a few days.
Apr 3, 2018

What to text a guy who is ignoring you? ›

Texts to be sent to someone who's ignoring you
  • 01/6Texts to be sent to someone who's ignoring you. ...
  • 02/6“Are you alright? ...
  • 03/6“I'm here for you whenever you want to talk” ...
  • 04/6“I'm sad that we aren't talking right now” ...
  • 05/6“So this happened today…” ...
  • 06/6“I'm sorry and I respect your space”
Jun 2, 2021

How do you make him chase you after ignoring you? ›

Express your feelings (to him)

One of the most direct ways to learn how to make him regret ignoring you is by being upfront about it. Be honest about how his behavior towards you is making you feel. Let him know that being taken for granted, ignored for long periods, or rejected made you feel bad.

What do guys secretly find attractive? ›

Being passionate in your relationship is always going to be attractive, but they also find passion in other areas equally sexy. A woman that's passionate about their job or a hobby will be incredibly attractive to most men. They love to see someone who really cares about something and puts their heart and soul into it.

How do you pursue a man without looking desperate? ›

5 ways to show you really want him (without seeming desperate)
  1. Just talk to him. ...
  2. Compliment something about him. ...
  3. Be there. ...
  4. Have confidence. ...
  5. Flirt with him.
Jul 11, 2017

How do I keep his attention? ›

For example:
  1. Don't pursue, let him pursue you.
  2. If he doesn't call you for a date, send him an FYI or SOS text.
  3. Create a space for him to pay the check whenever possible.
  4. Don't ask too many questions, instead share more on the date.
  5. Make sure you share what you like to do rather than always do what he wants to do.

How to know if a boy likes you but is hiding it without talking? ›

Signs your guy friend likes you but is afraid to admit it
  • 01/8​Signs your guy friend likes you but is afraid to admit it. ...
  • 02/8​He acts nervously around you. ...
  • 03/8​He remembers the small details. ...
  • 04/8​He is interested in your love life. ...
  • 05/8​He looks for excuses to meet you alone. ...
  • 06/8​He compliments you.
Aug 18, 2021

Why do guys go quiet when they like you? ›

He may think he is not in your league, you are with someone, want to keep his options open, and want you to approach him are the common reasons for acting distant. Men who do not want a serious relationship or are already committed can act distinctly to women they like.

What body language shows a guy in love? ›

Look for signs like sustained eye contact and dilated pupils. Typically, this means that someone has feelings for you. Watch for subconscious grooming, like when he touches his hair or fixes his tie. Pay attention to whether or not he mirrors your own body language.

How can I stop checking on him? ›

When checking up on your ex becomes a problem, here are six ways to stop yourself from stalking them online:
  1. Delete their profile. ...
  2. Keep busy. ...
  3. Find a replacement habit. ...
  4. Get back in the dating game. ...
  5. Block his pages if you have to. ...
  6. When all else fails, take a break from social media.

What guys notice about your looks? ›

9 Things men notice first about women
  • Smile. A beautiful smile is one of the things most men notice first in a woman. ...
  • Eyes. Another common thing men notice first about a woman is her eyes. ...
  • Hair. Sure, men notice a woman's beautiful and healthy hair. ...
  • Weight. ...
  • Legs. ...
  • Skin. ...
  • Dressing style.
Jan 22, 2015

Do guys care when you ignore them? ›

The truth is guys surely notice if you ignore them, especially when they are interested in you or were involved in communicating previously. If this was not the case, it might take a long time for them to realize the reality.

Does ignoring a guy keep him interested? ›

Ignoring a guy is one of the surefire ways to get his attention, as he would at most times try to win your attention back. However, ignoring alone doesn't put you at the forefront of his thoughts and make you desirable.

Is he punishing me by ignoring me? ›

He's punishing you

When someone is intentionally ignoring you to punish you, it's because he wants you to feel the pain that uncertainty provokes. He may be motivated by revenge; he feels that you've ignored him, so he's doing the same.

How do I make someone approach me? ›

Tricks To Get A Guy To Approach You
  1. Put on high heels. If you're hoping to entice a man to come over to you, one of the easiest tricks is to wear high heels. ...
  2. Go without sleeves. ...
  3. Wear red clothing. ...
  4. Put on red lipstick. ...
  5. Smile. ...
  6. Make eye contact. ...
  7. Get off of your phone. ...
  8. Pay attention to your body language.
Jan 12, 2022

How do you get a guy to notice you if you're shy? ›

Make eye contact and smile at him.

Glance in the guy's direction and give him a small smile when your eyes meet. Turn your body towards him so he can tell you'd like to chat. If he sees you smiling at him, he might even come over and talk to you!

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