As Open House: The Great Sex Experiment comes to Channel 4, you might be wondering about polyamory.
Many may picture a romantic relationship as two people committed exclusively to one another, or finding ‘The One’ and growing old with them. This is known as monogamy.
However, it seems more people are practicing ethical non-monogamy or ‘polyamory’, or at least talking about it more openly – including Will Smith’s singer daughter Willow.
But what is polyamory, and what does the polyamorous flag symbolise?
What does polyamory or polyamorous mean?
Based on the Greek and Latin for ‘many loves’, polyamorous can be used both as a description of a relationship with more than two people and as description of people who desire such relationships.
Polyamory is not considered cheating, because all parties are aware of all other parties involved and consent to their involvement.
Everyone involved will be in agreement that it’s OK for each person to be open to or have other romantic partners, and will often help and encourage their lover to seek out new partners.
‘Polyamorous’ is an umbrella term for non-monogamous relationships:
- Someone with multiple partners who are not connected but are equal (sometimes called anarchamory)
- A group where all partners are committed to each other in a triad or sometimes more (triad/quad/delta/throuple/non-hierarchical poly)
- A pair defined as primary partners – the person they are closest to – and then other secondary or tertiary partners (hierarchical poly)
- Someone with a single emotional partner but they are sexually open with more than that one person (open relationship/ethical or consensual non-monogamy ([ENM/CNM]).
Polyamory can involve marriage but should not be confused withpolygamy, the act of marrying multiple people, which is illegal in many countries.
What does the polyamorous flag symbolise?
While the rainbow flag is a well-knownsymbol of gay pride, there are many more flags used to celebrate thediversity of sexualities, genders, and relationship dynamics.
The original polyamorous flag was designed by Jim Evans in 1995.
The blue stripe stands for openness and honesty among all partners, and the red stripe stands for love and passion.
The black stripe represents solidarity with those who must hide their polyamorous relationships from the outside world.
In the center is the Greek letterπ(pi), which was originally chosen because it is an irrational number with infinitely many decimal places, a play on polyamorous people ‘having infinite love’.
The π symbol is sometimes replaced by a heart with an infinity symbol in the middle, also fitting with the ‘infinite love’ theme.
MORE : Polyamory may not be for everyone, but it’s what works for my partners and I
MORE : How I Do It: ‘I experimented with polyamory, but now I want monogamy’
MORE : How I Do It: ‘I’m in a kinky polyamorous throuple – here’s a week in my sex life’
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FAQs
It can take many forms, but it usually involves having romantic or sexual (or both) relationships with multiple people. Hierarchy or marriage may or may not be involved. Consent and open communication are at the heart of polyamory — all partners are aware of the others.
What is the best way to explain polyamory? ›
Polyamory is classified as ethical non-monogamy, a word that embraces any non-exclusive relationships that are consensually non-exclusive, whether sexually, emotionally, or both.
What is the 100 mile rule in dating? ›
Some common-and commonsense-rules include using condoms, not having sex with people you both know, keeping things with others casual or only seeing others when one of you is travelling (this is often called the 100-mile-rule, or however many miles you want to put in between you and your partner having sex with others).
How do you know if polyamory is right for you? ›
A major one: feeling limited by monogamy, says Lundquist. If you and your partner both feel that your monogamous relationship isn't quite meeting your needs for closeness and intimacy (and that no monogamous relationship really could), it might be a signal that polyamory is a better fit for you.
What is the hardest part of polyamory? ›
Creating and maintaining multiple non-monogamous relationships is demanding, it takes organisation and excellent communication and time management skills in order for it to work and can consume huge amounts energy in order for it to stay working.
Is polyamory psychologically healthy? ›
Polyamory, the practice of engaging in multiple romantic or sexual relationships with the consent of all parties involved, can be a fulfilling and enriching lifestyle choice. However, navigating the complexities of polyamorous relationships can sometimes lead to emotional challenges and mental health concerns.
How is polyamory different from cheating? ›
Polyamory is, in short, consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy. This goes directly against the idea of cheating. Cheating is non-consensual, in that the person being cheated on did not consent to non-monogamy, and is unable to make informed decisions about their sexual and emotional health.
What are the joys of polyamory? ›
Polyamorous relationships can be incredibly intimate and connected. When you have multiple partners, you have the opportunity to learn about and connect with different people on a deep level. This can lead to a greater sense of intimacy and fulfillment in your relationships. More variety in your life.
Do you get jealous in polyamory? ›
Polyamorous people are just as likely to feel jealousy as monogamous people.
What is the 777 rule in dating? ›
Here's how the 777 Rule works: every seven days you go on a date, every seven weeks you go away for the night and every seven months the two of you head off on a romantic holiday. It might sound a tad prescriptive, and an à deux holiday almost twice a year could be one too many, but nevertheless we get the point.
Men love to say that women date by the 6-6-6 rule – they want 6 feet, 6 inches, and 6 figures. But is this true? Is this why men are having difficulty finding dates, or is it their inability to look beyond their type? And is it settling to expand your type?
What is the 10 minute rule in a relationship? ›
Establish a 10-minute rule. Every day, for 10 minutes, talk alone about something other than work, the family and children, the household, the relationship. No problems, no scheduling, no logistics. Tell each other about your lives.
What are red flags in polyamory? ›
Rushing into it before your partner is ready, failing to set and adhere to boundaries, and not paying attention to your partner's feelings in the process are all huge red flags. An important thing to remember is that being polyamorous is not the same as being single.
When to quit polyamory? ›
1 You're putting in all the effort. 2 Your partner wants more time and energy than you can give. 3 Your partner won't validate your feelings.
How long does polyamory last? ›
How long do poly relationships last? On average, about 5-8 years. Polyamorous relationships tend to last quite a while. Since polyamorous people tend to be communicative, open, honest, and emotionally available, they tend to be very good at managing conflict and making decisions as a collective.
How do I prepare for polyamory? ›
Honesty. In order for polyamory to work, we need to be honest with ourselves and with others. Being poly asks that we take a close look at where we are in our lives and in our relationships. We need to consider what we want in a relationship, what's important to us, and what brings us joy.
How long do polyamorous relationships last? ›
How long do poly relationships last? On average, about 5-8 years. Polyamorous relationships tend to last quite a while. Since polyamorous people tend to be communicative, open, honest, and emotionally available, they tend to be very good at managing conflict and making decisions as a collective.
Does everyone in a poly relationship have to love each other? ›
Not really. The point is love, romance, intimacy and affection with more than one person, openly and ethically by mutual agreement all around.
What percentage of polyamorous relationships fail? ›
What are the pitfalls? Polyamorous relationships aren't historically the most successful, says relationships expert Neil Wilkie. He told Red magazine that 20% of couples have experimented with consensual non-monogamy, but open marriage has a 92% failure rate.
