When You Can't Find an Obituary: Why it Happens and What to Do | Cake Blog (2024)

Obituaries are extremely helpful tools for people who are interested in genealogy. A lot of data can be mined from one short article, such as the full names of the deceased’s parents, the birthdate and death date of the deceased, the name of the spouse, and the children’s names.

Jump ahead to these sections:

• Why Can't I Find an Obituary for My Loved One?
• Why Wouldn't Someone Have an Obituary?
• What to Do if You Can't Find an Obituary

Unfortunately, if you did not write the obituary you may not know how to find the obituary you need. It might be a surprise, but there's no single database of obituaries, and they are not official records. They are not death certificates, which can be found in the registry of vital records. Because of the nature of “unofficial” documents, you may have a hard time finding them.

In this article, we'll discuss the common reasons why your loved one may or may not have an obituary.

Tip: Writing an obituary (or choosing not to write one) might be just one of the tasks you're facing for the first time after losing a loved one. For help prioritizing the rest, check out our post-loss checklist.

Why Can't I Find an Obituary for My Loved One?

There are various reasons why you might not be able to find an obituary for your loved one.

They don't have an obituary

Not everyone has an obituary written about them. While it’s a common practice for families to publish an obituary in memory of their loved ones, some families may choose not to for various reasons. In some cases, the deceased might have explicitly expressed their wish not to have an obituary.

Their obituary isn't digitized

The obituary of your loved one may exist, but it may not be available online. You may need to visit the library near the location where the death occurred to see if newspaper archives are available.

Are you not sure of the date of death? You may first need to find the cemetery where your loved one was buried to obtain that date before looking through newspaper archives.

Their name changed

Names can change for various reasons, including:

• Marriage
• Divorce
• Adoption
• Personal choice

If you’re having difficulty locating an obituary, your loved one may have had a different name at the time of their passing. For example, it’s common for women to adopt a spouse’s surname after marriage. Some may also revert to their maiden name post-divorce or may have legally changed their name for other personal reasons.

When searching for obituaries, it’s beneficial to have knowledge of all potential names the deceased might have used throughout their life.

Their name is too common

Finding the obituary of John Smith in a large city might be next to impossible. If you have more information about a person, you may have better luck finding the obituary.

You might need to add items to your search, including the names of other relatives, dates, and even where the deceased graduated from high school or college.

Why Wouldn't Someone Have an Obituary?

There are many reasons a person may not have an obituary. Let us give you some of the reasons why.

Obituaries aren't required legally

You don’t have to have an obituary for yourself when you die, and you don’t have to write one for your deceased loved one. You may ask, do you legally have to have an obituary? The answer is no. It is not illegal to have one published or written.

Official agencies learn about a person’s death once the death certificate is certified. The funeral home director will notify the Social Security Administration, and this administration will inform the credit agencies. An obituary is not used at any point in this process.

There may be rare instances when a company requests to see your loved one’s obituary as proof that there has been a death in your family. You might be able to use a copy of the death certificate or funeral program as proof instead.

Obituaries can be expensive

Obituaries used to be “news” items. Family members either submitted facts about their family members who died or entirely written obituaries, and the newspaper staff would write or edit the pieces for publication.

As newspapers began to struggle financially, publishers began to look at obituaries differently. Instead of thinking of obituaries as news items to share with the community, they realized that families would pay to have them published in the paper. At this point, some newspapers lost editorial control over the content, and some publications would print obituaries as the family or funeral home staff wrote them.

It may currently cost hundreds or thousands of dollars to print a loved one’s obituary in the newspaper. Since funerals can be costly affairs, some families choose to save money by not submitting the obituary to the local newspaper.

Just because an obituary does not appear in a newspaper doesn’t mean that it wasn’t written. The family may have written one to appear on the funeral home website or within the funeral program.

The person requested not to have an obituary

It’s not uncommon for someone to express their desire not to have an obituary published upon their passing. This can stem from several reasons:

• A desire to avoid public attention
• A wish for privacy
• Personal beliefs about commemorating one’s life

Some people may feel like their life’s essence can’t be captured in a few paragraphs, while others might want to spare their loved ones the task of writing and publishing an obituary. If you’re aware that the deceased expressed such a preference, it’s essential to honor their choice and seek other ways to remember and celebrate their life privately.

The family didn't see it as a priority

The period following a death is extremely difficult. While the family grieves the loss of a loved one, they simultaneously have to notify extended family and friends, notify financial institutions and workplaces, and plan a funeral.

Writing an obituary takes time. Even though most funeral homes offer this as part of their service, they can only write the obituary if families provide them with all the necessary information about the deceased.

As time passes, the necessity of writing an obituary may wane. After everyone is informed of the death and the services are complete, there is no longer a reason for writing a formal statement about your loved one’s death.

The family didn't want to share information about the death

Though there are ways to find out if someone died, the family may not want to share information about a death for various reasons. For example, if the family member who died had a violent past, their survivors might feel strange printing a flowery-sounding obituary in the local newspaper.

In certain situations, the family may also want to avoid publicizing when and where the funeral may occur, so they can avoid an unpleasant situation if victims or their families attend.

What to Do if You Can't Find an Obituary

If you’ve been searching for an obituary without success, there are alternative methods and resources you can explore to find the information you’re seeking or to commemorate your loved one in a meaningful way.

Visit local newspaper archives

Not all obituaries have been digitized, especially older ones. Local libraries or historical societies often maintain archives of past newspapers, which can be a treasure trove of information. By visiting these archives, you can browse through past issues around the date of your loved one’s passing.

It might require some time and patience, but this method can be particularly effective for obituaries that predate the digital age. In addition, librarians or activists can often provide assistance or direct you to other potential resources.

Reach out to family members

Family can be an invaluable resource when searching for an obituary or information about a deceased loved one. Older relatives or those who were particularly close to the person in question might have kept personal copies of the obituary or can provide details that might not be available elsewhere.

They might also share stories, memory boards, or other mementos in a memory box that can offer a deeper understanding and connection to the deceased. Even if an official obituary was never published, the collective memories and stories of family members can be a heartfelt tribute to your loved one’s life.

Finding an Obituary: Not Always Easy

Though obituaries seem simple, they are profound gateways to understanding our loved ones’ legacies. While the journey to find them might not always be straightforward or easy, every roadblock you encounter is a testament to the depth and richness of your family histories.

Whether you find the obituary you’re looking for or discover alternative ways to honor your loved ones, the quest itself deepens our connection to the past. Our pursuit of understanding and remembering is a beautiful testament to the enduring bonds and family and the stories that shape us.