9 min read · Mar 20, 2019
As love seems to be every person’s favorite language, dating and courtship can never be thrown out of the window when discussions about culture commence. Like any other countries around the globe, the Philippines has established its own set of unique, exemplary, and symbolic dating traditions and customs, making it more appealing to locals and foreigners alike. From pre-colonial era up until present, the Filipino culture has remained true to its legacy in spite of the many innovation and societal changes it has gone through. Although there are tremendous shifts in terms of the wooing practices among Filipinos, still, it cannot be denied that they still give a huge amount of love and affection toward the persons they cherish, whether that romantic pursuit is done conventionally or contemporarily.
Evolution of courtship and dating practices in the Philippines has been greatly shaped through history and time. Since age immemorial, wooing has always been there; it comes in various ways and forms, and it actually links a particular set of dating etiquette and taboos. Before Philippine dating had reached its present configuration, there are a couple of traditional courtship practices that were genuinely observed by many Filipinos in the past. Here are some:
Traditional Dating Practices in the Philippines
-Pasaguli or Riddle Courtship. This form of courtship has been practiced ever since before the Spanish rule arrived in the country. In this wooing form, parents of both the suitor and the pursued lady are present in the event where love riddles are delivered for two major purposes: to showcase certain expressions of love and to assess the sentiments of the parents of both parties. After everything is done, they will settle the price in a form of dowry. This is most commonly done in the region of Palawan in the past.
Although receiving dowry for relationship or marriage is no longer mainstream in the country nowadays, riddles are still delivered as a means of expressing love and emotions; however, these are being innovated and modernized at present in the form of hugot (deep) lines. These lines, however, are not just geared toward showcasing feelings of love; they also convey deep emotions such as getting heartbroken, friendzoned, or betrayed.
-Harana or Serenade.
This seems to be the most popularly-known courtship gesture in the Philippines as it is very romantic and emotionally appealing. Harana is a traditional courtship practice where men introduce themselves and woo their admired lady by serenading underneath her window at night. Given the sweet combination of Spanish-influenced songs and of the wonderful Tagalog poesy and lyricism, serenading the woman of your dreams on a breezy night is such a commendable and extremely sweet courtship act you could ever perform (haranathemovie.com).
While it was a great advantage for a colonial gentleman in the Philippines to possess certain musical abilities, it had not ever become a problem if he did lack capability in singing or in playing the guitar. During those times when harana was still commonly done in the Philippines, gentlemen who were not blessed with the gift of music can still court their desired ladies thru harana. They had done this by way of inviting their friends and other musicians in town to accompany them in executing this romantic gesture. In such way, harana was certainly not a solitary move; it had become a social event for dating and love.
At present, harana is no longer a common dating practice among young lovers in the Philippines. Although there are still gentlemen who prefer to render a love song for their chosen lady, they no longer perform this outside her house. Instead, plenty of them do this at malls, clubs, or during parties with the end goal of creating a higher flicker of emotion, most especially in front of the public’s eye.
-Paninilbihan or Servitude. As the courtship stage commenced during the primordial times in the Philippines, paninilbihan or act of servitude at the lady’s home was executed by gentlemen in order to depict their genuineness and loyalty toward the woman they love and adore. This act was accompanied by giving certain presents for the family and visiting the woman consistently.
This dating gesture was also purposely required in order for the woman’s parents to assess whether the suitor’s intentions were meant for real or not. Since modernization had not hit the country during those times in the past, the wooing gentleman had to perform certain traditional chores so that his level of hard work and patience might be revealed. These included fetching water from the well to the woman’s house, chopping firewood for conventional cooking purposes, pounding rice grains, and many others.
Though this dating gesture was seen as a very sincere and persevering move in the past, it has not gained so much emphasis and significance at present. Although gift-giving and frequent visits are still part of the Filipino dating norm, acts of servitude are no longer required, although suitors have still got the freedom and initiative to perform this.
-Balak or Spoken Poetry. In the Visayas region, most especially in Cebu, balak or spoken poetry was the most popular courtship mode in the past. This involved a highly emotive and expressive recitation of love verses by the suitor to his adored lady. Through this, feelings of love were being highlighted and were actually made as bases of the emotional weight the gentleman was keeping for his ideal woman.
During the past, delivering love verses to your well-loved Filipina must be done with a strong level of seriousness and sincerity. The lines might be overly romantic and too figurative, but the feelings were real. Nobody wants to fall deep in love with someone who just gives half-baked emotions and unsure commitment.
In the past, balak was characterized by a powerful and beautifully-constructed rhymes and stanzas that created a higher emotional effect on the lady being courted upon. However, nowadays, many Filipinos tend to mark it as so cheesy and sometimes “over-acting”. This is the main reason why balak is no longer a popular courtship gesture and is only done for either scholastic or entertainment purposes. Moreover, spoken poetry has evolved so much in the Philippines that even millenials are very active on it. Instead of solely becoming a courtship move at present, this gesture is popular in terms of expressing untold stories and emotions, and is actually one of the most common entertainment forms in Philippine stages.
-Sending Love Letters. During the post-hispanic times in the country, sending love letters was technically one of the most coveted dating and courtship norms. This gesture was inspired by the country’s national hero, Dr. Jose P. Rizal who was so fond of writing letters, poems, and novels. In this dating move, the gentleman asks the close relative or friend of his adored Filipino lady to hand in the letter for him. Whatever the response maybe, whether the woman accepts or rejects the gentleman’s love, she will respond to that letter and ask their mediator again to carry the letter to the gentleman. This had required a sufficient amount of patience and understanding in the past as sending letters through mediators takes a lot of time.
As advancement in communication took place, the postal mail system was made known in the country and had led to the widespread linkage of pen pals. Originally, the pen pal craze was designed to practice reading and writing in a foreign language, enhance literacy, delve on more information about other countries and lifestyles, and build friendships. However, as time went by, it had shifted to another purpose — -courtship and written romance. A lot of Filipinas have found their one true love through pen pal relationship as their communication progressed into a tender romantic pursuit. This trend continued until the late 90’s before the arrival of cellular phones and other gadgets in the Philippines.
Nowadays, the pen pal system is no longer mainstream, given the worldwide popularity scope of electronic mail and a plethora of social media platforms. Although sending love letters is not anymore a customary dating norm in the Philippines, still, there are couples who find it effortful and amorous. Sometimes, the most outdated dating practice tends to be the sweetest one.
Modern Dating Practices in the Philippines
-International Online Dating. This dating practice is widely-sought and established not only in the Philippines but across the globe as well. Since love is no longer limited within the borders of one’s nation, finding genuine companionship internationally has become more popular among other dating gestures. Over the years, numerous Filipinas have found their one true love overseas, and this has been made possible through various online dating sites flooding in the internet nowadays.
Although this dating move sounds very exciting and interesting, it is ideal to keep in mind that safety should remain as a priority. With that in mind, people must be well-informed of the terms and conditions of the said site before signing up. There are many online dating sites containing profiles which are not verified and screened — -that might pose an imminent danger for certain subscribers who are fooled by fake identities.
Consequently, it is advisable for single Filipinos and foreign men to register in the most recommended matchmaker and marriage agency in order to ensure a safe, genuine, and well-founded international romance. Matchmaking sites such as this have thoroughly screened all the women registrants present in the profiles and they are being represented by the hand-on staff of the company so that everything is well-facilitated and is well-taken care of. Although online couples are miles away from each other, they can freely send gifts and letter to each other, communicate through different social media platforms, and meet each other through romance tours: all of these are arranged by the online dating site itself! Who knows the love of your life is living outside the borders of your own homeland?
-Becoming Textmates/Callmates. As cellular phones marked their grand arrival in the country in the early 2000’s, young gentlemen used to court their desired ladies through cellular phones. Becoming textmates and callmates was actually the most trending courtship medium in the Philippines for the past several years and had brought about both boon and bane effects toward the persons involved in such gesture.
On a positive note, many have indeed found their long-term partners through the usage of mobile phones — — starting from text messaging, late night phone-calling, and finally meeting each other in person for clarity and deeper intimacy. However, this dating gesture had also brought a lot of disadvantages due to misguided and inappropriate application of such dating medium. There were several crime reports in the past where some Filipinas were victimized by scammers, kidnappers, and rapists as the latter disguised themselves as “good textmates”. Due to these instances, having textmates has been watched closely in order to avoid untoward incidents.
As the relationship between textmates or callmates blossoms to a much higher level, it is but a sweet move for a gentleman to grant a free cellphone load to her woman. Texting and calling each other all the time have become the reasons why connections are strengthened, most especially for budding relationships. Although texting and calling are still widely used nowadays, it is just safe to say that its popularity has been overshadowed ever since Facebook entered into the Philippine virtual scene more than a decade ago.
-Online Messaging/Video Calling. Ever since Facebook and Messenger have clouded the popularity level of text messaging and phone-calling in the Philippines, many Filipinos have utilized the said platforms to communicate with the persons they’re romantically connected with. This is for the prime reason that one can send messages via Messenger for free. It is very cost-efficient, modern, and cool for gentlemen to use while dropping hints toward the woman they want to date and woo. Moreover, most people prefer to use this application as it sends and receives messages on a real-time basis, has creative and expressive GIFs, stickers, and emojis, and is actually very convenient to use.
When it comes to romance, countless individuals have found their partners via Facebook and Messenger as both have become powerful tools in terms of courtship and dating. However, it is an undeniable fact that several people have had negative experiences on this as there are those individuals who have faked their identities online for scamming and other harmful purposes. That is why Facebook users are always advised to accept and communicate only with people whom they know personally.
When time and other unexpected workloads won’t allow certain couples to personally see each other, Messenger has got their back! Through it, both short distance and long distance partners can do voice messaging and video-calling for a sweeter and more delightful conversation.
