Japanese people are known to be polite, peaceful, punctual, and a little shy. So when it comes to dating, how do Japanese guys flirt? When they fall in love with somebody, how do they act? Japanese are often said to be shy and passive in love and romance, but is that really true? Let’s take a look at how Japanese people flirt these days.
Are Japanese Guys Passive?
Japanese often think people from abroad, especially those from western countries, are very straightforward and passionate in romance. Meanwhile, I would say Japanese are not that active, but rather passive. Especially young generations are becoming less and less interested in love. They say they don’t want to make a romantic partner, and many of them don’t even fall in love these days. This strange phenomenon is a widely discussed topic and has become a subject on several TV programs. What happened to young Japanese guys and girls?
Elder generations cannot understand this phenomenon. Recently new words like soushoku kei and nikushoku kei have been created. Soushoku kei, meaning herbivory, is used to describe passive guys who aren’t interested in romance and don’t actively pursue those who they’re interested in. Nikushoku kei, meaning predatory, is often used to describe girls who are direct and try to win her favorite guy’s heart. Soushoku kei danshi (guys) and nikushoku kei joshi (girls) are opposite characters.
As such, soushokukei danshi are increasing, and nikushokukei joshi are also on the rise to make up for the slow-moving guys. Girls often complain about soushokukei danshi. They are not satisfied with such passive guys these days. Of course, not all men of the young generation are like this. There are still many guys who make active attempts to flirt and build romantic relationships.
PDA in Japan
Japanese are known to be shy, so once they become a couple, they flirt discreetly when in public. For example, you can see many couples walking hand-in-hand but not kissing much. Most Japanese feel embarrassed even just exchanging a small kiss on the cheek in public. Even in wedding ceremonies, many of them just do a short kiss on the bride’s cheek and not on the lips! Yes, we are very shy about that. Lying in your partner’s lap might be considered okay in the park or beach, but not common at all on trains or buses. With such PDA (public displays of affection), people in Japan would find it hard to resist staring, especially elderly people don’t have immunity to such culture. Be careful, then, to not get too carried away in public when you are in Japan, and don’t expect a Japanese guy to be very forward in public places.
Expressing Love
We are shy in showing love to another as well. Japanese don’t say aish*teru, meaning I love you, or suki (I like you) so often to their partner. Japanese guys are quite shy and believe that their partner knows it without the need of such words. So when Japanese girls make a non-Japanese boyfriend who is not afraid of giving tons of romantic words to her, she gets very happy and realizes how little Japanese guys express their love to their partner. So if you have a Japanese boyfriend or husband who doesn’t show their love to you, it doesn’t automatically mean he doesn’t love you. Look for other kind gestures and actions instead.
How Are Japanese Guys Different From Guys in Your Country?
Did you enjoy learning about the difference of manners in love and romance between Japan and your background? How did you find it different? I hope this has made you deepen your understanding of Japanese culture a bit. It would be interesting for you to observe couples in Japan and find other funny and interesting aspects of typical habits and behaviors among Japanese people.
Yokoo
Japan
This article was originally published on April 22, 2017 and updated and republished on June 16, 2021.
FAQs
Japanese are known to be shy, so once they become a couple, they flirt discreetly when in public. For example, you can see many couples walking hand-in-hand but not kissing much. Most Japanese feel embarrassed even just exchanging a small kiss on the cheek in public.
What is the Japanese style of flirting? ›
Nanpa (ナンパ), also transliterated as nampa, in Japanese culture is a type of flirting and seduction popular among teenagers and people in their twenties and thirties. When Japanese women pursue men in a fashion similar to nanpa, it is called gyakunan (逆ナン).
How do you tell if a Japanese man is interested in you? ›
Here are some signs that a Japanese man you met online might like you:
- He makes an effort to contact you regularly. ...
- He compliments you. ...
- He remembers things you've told him. ...
- He makes plans to see you in person. ...
- He seems nervous or excited around you.
3. Third date. If both people are happy with each other, after the two dates, they move on to the third date. The third date usually has a confirmation of their intention to become boyfriend/girlfriend.
What is the dating etiquette in Japan? ›
Like anywhere in the world, it is important to be polite, respectful, and mindful of cultural norms when on a date in Japan. Being loud and aggressive is considered rude, but so is paying more attention to your phone than your companion. There are a few social rules to consider if you want to get past the first date.
How to get a Japanese guy to like you? ›
So in order to make a Japanese man love you, you might try to behave in a way that a Western man would need to behave in order to win your heart. Like a true gentleman, confident, polite, friendly, interested, independent, un-needy, popular, and never with lewd intention.
How does a Japanese man flirt? ›
Japanese are known to be shy, so once they become a couple, they flirt discreetly when in public. For example, you can see many couples walking hand-in-hand but not kissing much. Most Japanese feel embarrassed even just exchanging a small kiss on the cheek in public.
How do Japanese men show love? ›
The answer is: through their actions. In Japanese culture, love words are considered empty if they are not accompanied by behavior that reflects those feelings. Like in other cultures, it can mean complimenting your partner, sending texts, or making presents.
How do Japanese show affection? ›
Japanese culture has a unique way of expressing affection through terms of endearment. While Western culture tends to focus on verbal expressions of love and fondness, Japanese culture emphasizes non-verbal expressions such as gestures, actions, and tone of voice.
How do Japanese guys confess? ›
In Japan, kokuhaku refers to the act of confessing romantic feelings to someone with the hope of beginning a romantic relationship. Unlike in some cultures where subtle hints and non-verbal cues often play a role in courtship, kokuhaku is a straightforward and explicit expression of love.
So really, there's no absolute answer to the question of if you should treat your date or split the bill, so the safe thing for a guy to do, especially early on, is to at least offer to pay, even if deep down inside he's hoping his date will counter by offering to split the bill.
What age gap is illegal in Japan? ›
However, sexual intercourse with a person under 13 is illegal regardless of consent while intercourse with a person aged 13 to 15 will be punished if the perpetrator is five or more years older, as per Japanese laws.
What do Japanese do on dates? ›
While a quick coffee date may be what you're used to, if you're dating a Japanese person, it's best to be prepared to spend much more time on a date. In Japan, it's not unheard of to spend all day or at least half a day together when you go on a date with someone. It makes sense too.
Do Japanese people kiss on first date? ›
While you may not consider it particularly forward in your culture, it's likely that kissing, touching, or other similar behaviors may be considered presumptuous and inappropriate for a first date in Japan.
Do Japanese men pay for dates? ›
This statistic depicts the results of a survey conducted in November 2018 in Japan asking male individuals about the most common ways they handle restaurant bills when going on a date with their significant other. During the surveyed period, the majority of respondents, around 52 percent, stated to pay for everything.
What does a kiss mean in Japan? ›
Kissing as foreplay in Japan
Japan also has a kissing culture that differs greatly from ours. For the Japanese, kissing is part of sexual foreplay and therefore is considered to be highly inappropriate in public.
How do Japanese people confess to their crush? ›
Confessing is called “kokuhaku” [告白] in Japanese. The typical sentence used to confess that you may have seen in manga or Japanese TV series is: “Suki desu. Tsukiattekudasai.” That can be translated as, “I love you. Please date me.”
What is a traditional flirting style? ›
Research on the 5 Flirting Styles
Specifically, those five flirting styles were: Traditional: Adhering to gender-specific roles, such as the woman signaling receptiveness through eye contact and the man making the first overt move of verbal communication.
What is the most common flirting style? ›
Unlike playful flirts, “sincere” flirts strive for emotional connection and enjoy getting to know their crushes. They ask questions and pay close attention during conversation. This flirting style is the most common, perhaps because it's usually the most effective, the research showed.
