When someone tells you to shut up, it might catch you off guard, and you might not be able to come up with any witty comebacks right away.
When you have snappy comebacks for your friends who are roasting you, or for a bully, they will think twice the next time they want to tell you to shut up.
Here are 25+ snappy comebacks to “Shut up” that will work every time.
Funny and playful comebacks to “Shut up”
When a friend or family member tells you to shut up, chances are it’s in a playful manner. Here are some funny and playful comebacks to “Shut up” that will get them back good.
01“Awww, are you having a bad day?”
When someone tells you to shut up out of anger, it is best to respond in a way that makes you look like the bigger person. This playful response pokes fun at the situation and taunts the aggressor.
02“I will not be silenced!”
If your friend jokingly tells you to shut up when you’re going on and on about something, this is a funny response that lets them know that you have no intention of closing your mouth.
03“Make me.”
This is good for friends, family or your lover. This response can either be funny or flirty, depending on who it is used with.
04“Your wish is my command.”
When shut up is not meant offensively, this response is perfect because it lets the speaker know that there aren’t any hard feelings. Where it is intended offensively, this response can prevent the situation from escalating.
05“Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers and the middle one’s for you.”
Instead of flipping someone off, you can use this twistedly classy response to let the person know that you aren’t going to shut up and that they should buzz off.
06“If you don’t wanna hear me, cover your ears.”
This is a good response to let someone know that if they don’t like what you’re saying, they should leave because you aren’t going to stop speaking any time soon.
07“I have the right to remain silent but not the ability.”
This is funny a take on the rights an officer reads to someone who is being arrested. This tells the speaker to buzz off and stop trying to police your freedom of speech.
08“I can’t. That would give you too much time to talk crap.”
This option is best used on a friend. It shows that you aren’t bothered by what they have just said.
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09“Wait for your turn. The adults are speaking.”
This playful response is also better to use on a friend or a family member. It’s funny because it means that they should butt out until the important people are done talking.
10“If I threw a stick, would you leave?”
With this goofy retort, you are lowkey calling the speaker a dog and implying them to go fetch. The recipient of this witty comeback had better be able to take a joke.
11“Talk to the hand.”
When you use this one, put your 5 fingers up close to the speaker’s face, like a cop who is telling someone to stop. It’s best to use this with a friend because strangers might find it offensive.
Smart and witty comebacks to “Shut up”
When someone is deliberately trying to be rude by telling you to shut up, you should answer in a way that makes you seem like the more sophisticated person. Here are some smart and witty comebacks to “Shut up” that will put the speaker in their place.
12“I don’t remember ordering a glass of your opinion.”
This is just another way of saying you were not speaking to them and didn’t require their opinion.
13“Why don’t you?”
This is a quick and easy comeback to remember. You are basically telling the other person to shut up instead.
14“You’ve had your whole life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?”
This is a good response to use with someone who is constantly mean to you. The comment tells the speaker that you are tired of the whole mean person act, and they should really give it a rest.
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15“Please, lead by example.”
This is another way to tell the person to shut up, too. It just sounds smarter when you say it this way.
16“Why? Is it because I’m saying things you’re not smart enough to understand?”
A great way to make mean people feel bad is to make them feel stupid. This response does exactly that.
17“Shut doesn’t go up.”
Normally, when you shut something, you shut it down and not up. This is a smarty pants response that is also vaguely funny.
18“Not too many people like you, do they?”
This response will really sting a bully, especially if they often act out for attention. It suggests that what the speaker is doing is exactly the reason why no one likes them and that it would be a good idea to stop.
19“If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.”
This response is snappy and a bit crude. It can also be funny when used on a friend.
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20“Do you hear that? *silence* That’s the sound of me not caring.”
This response simply means that you don’t care about the opinion of the aggressor. It allows you to make light of their comment instead of being offended.
21“I’m sorry, could you repeat that? I have a hard time listening to haters.”
This is a good response to let the speaker know that you aren’t paying much mind to their negativity.
22“I envy everyone you have never met.”
This is just another way of saying you wish you never met the speaker and that people who haven’t met them are lucky because they don’t have to put up with their nasty attitude.
Serious comebacks to “Shut up”
If someone who you have had a problem with in the past tells you to shut up, your comeback must be firm. It should let them know that you are not to be messed with or disrespected. Here are 5 serious comebacks to “Shut up”. However, even though they are witty and smart, you don’t know how the person will react. So it’s best to prepare yourself before using them by thinking about their reactions in advance- especially if they’re short tempered!
23“Go to hell.”
This is a pretty strong response, but it lets the speaker know that you are not in the mood to be messed with.
24“Pardon me, but you must have me mistaken for someone who gives a damn.”
This response is good because it lets them know that you don’t care about anything they say.
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25“No”
This is a simple yet effective response when used in the right way. Your “no” should be strong and firm, and you should make eye contact to show that you are dead serious.
26“Excuse me?”
When the speaker tries to be rude by demanding you shut up, this response gives them a chance to apologize or change what they’ve said. Your question implies they make the right choice or face your wrath—figuratively, of course.
27“Why?”
This comment is very confrontational. You are asking the person to defend why they think you should shut up. You should follow it with another response that suggests you are not going to shut up. Bullies are best dealt with head-on and, sometimes, they don’t have a real reason for doing what they do.
Conclusion
With these snappy comebacks to “Shut up”, you are well equipped for the next time someone tries to police your speech. Just make sure you use the right comebacks for the right situations.
